The Last Time

Since I started up my blog, I’ve had several offers from people wanting to write an article as they “see my blog as the perfect place” and as we “share the same values” and my blog is “so fantastic blah blah blah”.

I say it like that, because I learned pretty quickly that this was just people trying to get links to other websites in order to boost SEO and all that jazz. There’s a proper word for it and what they do…being dicks…no, that’s not it. I don’t remember to be honest, but I can spot them a mile a way now. I was pretty chuffed when I got the first offer though. Until I smartened up to what they were trying to do.

Anyway, so everything on my Blog is something I’ve written. But last week, I read a friend of mines’ Facebook status (or is it called a post now?) and was really moved by what she wrote.

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Our Birth Story

“Oh my God!”

“House stinks like shit!”

“Switched from Tens to Gas & Air”

These are just some of the brief notes I managed to make during the main event. I’d starting keeping track quite well, but than as the whole thing dragged out, there are definitely some gaps that I need to try and remember. But, remember I shall, I’m sure. So if you’re so inclined and you have a spare 10 minutes, here’s our story of how two became three. Well, not the whole story. I’m not starting from the beginning, you’ll have to just use your imagination for that.

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Pain Relief in Labour

You may have noticed that I am not a woman. I’ve never given birth to a baby, and I will never know if childbirth actually hurts as much as a kick in the bollocks. Although I have an idea.

Yet despite all of this, I am aware of the taboo surrounding the choice of pain relief available to those ladies trying to squeeze something the size of a watermelon through something the size of a f*****g kiwi! Bravo ladies, bravo.

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Let’s Talk About NCT

I’d heard about NCT, but never really knew what it was. I just kind of imagined a room full of pregnant women all lying on the floor, leaning on their partners, making all kinds of crazy sounds while they practiced breathing techniques.

It turns out there’s a lot more to it than that. Although I should mention that there was this one time (at band camp) in one session where all the women were lying on the floor, leaning over a chair or sitting on a ball, being cuddled, stroked, massaged and spooned by their partner. But that was as weird as it ever got. I promise.

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What Did The Person With Kids Say To The Person Without Kids?

We’re at that age now where most of our closest friends and family members are parents. Some have been parents for many years. So it’s fair to say they’re experienced in the art of parenting. They’ve survived the challenges of having a new baby, dealt with sleepless nights, irregular feeding patterns, exploding nappies, crying outbursts, terrible tantrums, the lot!

We however, just a couple of months away from the arrival of our wee one, have not experienced this first hand as yet. Don’t get me wrong, between us we’ve clocked up numerous hours of babysitting, changing nappies, putting baby to bed, 1st birthday parties, reading stories, being jumped on by overexcited nephews, the occasional whack in the gonads by a lightsaber, kneeling on a lego brick etc. But we appreciate that at the end of the day, the kids always went back to their parents and off we went for an uninterrupted nights sleep and a week of television that never once landed on a channel with a prefix of “C”.

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