What Men Don’t Know About The First Trimester

We’re 18 weeks into this journey now and every day is a school day. I’m learning new stuff about babies, pregnancy, hormones, my partner, even myself. So I thought I’d share some pearls of wisdom about the first trimester, the first 14 weeks, that me being just the clueless daddy to be, had no idea about.

Bigger Boobs Aint All That

Yes! It’s one of the first changes you notice. Great isn’t it? Those sweater puppies have never looked so good! You can’t stop staring at them, thinking about the fun you can have with them, watching her rub Bio-Oil into them. Unfortunately, watching, staring and thinking is about as close to those fun bags as you’re gonna get for the foreseeable future. Your gals boobs might get bigger, but they also get sore. Like out out of bounds sore. You have to give advance warning that you’re diving head first into those chesticles! One little twist, flick or accidental nudge and you’re going to “share” that pain my friend.

Getting an Early Night = Getting an Early Night

Remember when your lady would say to you…

“Do you fancy an early night?”

You’d be like “sure baby” wink, wink. Then race up stairs, get your shit together and jump into bed, ready for action quicker than you can say Netflix and chill.

Well now an early night means, let’s see if you can take a piss, brush your teeth and get into bed before she falls asleep.

Everyone tells you how tired you’re gonna be when you have a baby. What they don’t tell you is how your partner immediately goes into full on training for this. She is tired literally all the time. She wakes up tired. Goes to work tired. Has lunch tired. Gets home tired. If she can, she’ll try and squeeze in a disco nap before you get home, then for the rest of the evening she’s still tired. Box set binges is a thing of the past. If you can get through one episode a night, you’re doing well.

Scratchy Scratchy

You’ll be glad to hear that the sore boobs don’t last forever. That growth spurt happens right at the start, so a few weeks later and her body is used to it. Permission is once again granted for full access to those glorious frost detectors.  But it’s not time to celebrate just yet. Hold off of those motor boating ambitions for a little while longer, as your new favourite feature has now become a scratch post.

Itchy left boob. Itchy Belly. Itchy right boob. Itchy in the morning. Itchy when you go to bed. You’ll get woken up in the middle of the night thinking you’re lying next to thumper! It’s another pregnancy side effect that your partner hates that you aren’t sharing with her. “You don’t know what it’s like!”

As much as you’ll want to, don’t make the same mistake as I did. Definitely do not ask your darling baby making partner “can you scratch a bit quieter?” next time she wakes you up at 2am with a two handed boobs and belly scratch. That results in an automatic two game ban. Rookie mistake. We live and learn.

Kiddie Dinners

Out go those fancy looking fajitas, exotic Thai Curries (from scratch) and Jamie Oliver specials you used to enjoy. Your partners pallet seems to revert back to when she was a kid during those first few months.

In comes pizza, chips, chicken nuggets, nachos with cheese, pasta bake and crisps. Not even those nice posh “adult” crisps. I’m talking Wotsits and Chip Sticks. Tuck shop crisps.

It’s not so much that your partner is eating for two, or eating for the child. What she is actually doing is eating like a child!

I’ve seen parents be more successful feeding their kids a fork full of peas than I’ve been at trying to increase Jens vegetable intake lately.

I think it’s only a matter of time until I open the freezer drawer and find a bag of turkey twizzlers.


Obviously, all of this is just based on my experience of the first 14 weeks (although we’re actually at 18 weeks now). Yours might be different, or maybe some of this rings true for you too.

I’m excited to see what the next 22 weeks brings though. Shit! 22 weeks? Is that all? Right, that’s it. It’s Beer O’Clock!

T-minus 153 days!

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